Aby Life – A Better You

Author: aby

Mother’s Work : Work or take care of the children?

I always saw mothers struggling in their daily lives because of the struggle to balance their personal and professional lives. New ones, in particular, find themselves in difficult situations faced with enormous burdens and responsibilities that continue to increase day by day.

I only truly felt the gravity of this concern for a mother when my first nephew was born. I saw and felt the struggle my sister faced every day with her baby. She had to take care of her job, her baby, and her home. The mission was difficult, but not impossible!

Work-life balance

The presence of children in every woman’s life is essential and desirable. But having a stable job, and therefore a stable source of income, is just as important as having children. However, there are only 24 hours in a day, and this number is always very small and insufficient for working, caring for children, managing the home, and taking care of oneself. The challenge, therefore, is to find an optimal balance for these four points while maintaining a healthy mind and continued motivation.

The concern therefore comes not only from the presence of children and their responsibilities, but also from all the other daily tasks that must be well organized and taken care of.

This causes what is called mom’s fatigue : https://abylife.net/mommy-fatigue-im-a-mom-and-im-tired/

Mother’s time Management

The first key to the success of each assignment is proper organization and planning. You will therefore need to start by identifying a list of daily tasks and planning each one as best as possible.

Here are some examples of common tasks and their planning:

– Children’s Meals: Plan the weekly meal list, do essential shopping on the weekend, and specify set preparation times.

– School Clothes and Supplies: Help children prepare their belongings and clothes in the evening before bed.

– Early Morning Wake-Up: Ensure children go to bed early and prohibit any access to electronic devices before bed.

– Homework Preparation: Set times for homework and provide a little help and follow-up for the children.

Workplace Adjustments

Regular work schedules and routines may prove inconvenient with the new responsibilities of a baby or children, especially if the company or boss is intolerant of employees’ personal circumstances.

However, there are some solutions that can help establish the desired work-life balance:

– Consider the possibility of working remotely, either fully or partially.

– If the nature of the job allows, seek flexible working hours.

– Request the possibility of compressed working hours.

– Ask colleagues for help on days with high family responsibilities.

– Communicate with your boss and request temporary exceptional working conditions.

Mother’s upport and Personal Well-Being

The importance of support from loved ones in caring for children and the home should not be overlooked when the mother is a working woman. The first person who can help is certainly the father. If he is understanding and supportive, he will provide a lot of assistance to the mom by taking care of some household chores, either completely or partially, or simply looking after the children from time to time.

Help from other loved ones is also important, especially sisters or grandmothers.

The last option is daycare or daycare for those who cannot rely on help from loved ones.

This support is essential, particularly for the mom’s physical and mental well-being. It gives her time to:

– Work or take care of other responsibilities without worrying about her children

– Take time off for her personal well-being (going out with friends or doing hobbies)

– Simply rest

If all these solutions do not work, it is sometimes useful to seek help from a psychologist or decide to take a long leave from work or leave for a few years so that the children grow up a little and can take care of some of their own needs.

June 24, 2025
Training at home, in the gym or outdoors?

Between the desire to resume physical activity and the challenges this resumption entails, each of us finds ourselves confused and wondering what’s best: working out at home or joining a gym? The decision isn’t easy and requires careful and careful consideration.

Resuming sport and physical activity:

Everyone finds themselves, at one time or another in their lives, overwhelmed by daily responsibilities, work assignments, and family obligations. And gradually reduce their attention to their well-being, their body, and their morale.

Until the day we encounter that “motivating” factor that rekindles the desire to take care of ourselves. It could be an active and super-energetic person who inspires us to become like them, a movie or quote that inspires us deeply, or a serious reflection on our current state and future results. And then we decide to take back control, starting essentially with resuming exercise, since it will be the basis for controlling physical activity, nutrition, and therefore our body and mind.

Where to exercise? At home or at the gym?

The first thing to determine is where you’ll return to exercise: at home or at the gym.

This depends on several factors:

– Budget: Whether you can afford the gym membership fees.

– Goals for returning to exercise: Each type of workout requires suitable equipment, which may not be available at home.

– Whether or not you have home gym equipment: This is a very important factor and depends primarily on your personal goals. Someone who plans to do stretching and yoga won’t need the same equipment as someone who plans to build muscle.

– Social adaptability: Are you willing to work out in front of strangers, or are you willing to meet people at the gym, or do you prefer to work out alone?

– Frequency of training: Are you available to go to the gym several times a week? – Home space: Is there enough space at home to train?

– Proximity : Is the gym close to home or not?

Pros and cons of working out at the gym:

Pros +++

– A well-equipped space (depending on the gym you choose, of course)

– Technical support from coaches (some gyms include personalized programs with a personal trainer)

– The availability of group classes, which are very motivating for some people

– Ability to take advantage of on-site showers and spa treatments offered by some gyms

– Opportunities to meet people with shared interests

Cons —

– Noise and busy hours can be demotivating

– High prices, which may not fit everyone’s budget

– Having to pack up and head to the gym, especially if it’s not close to home

– Sometimes loud background music

Pros and cons of working out at home:

Pros +++

– Saves time and travel costs

– Ability to wear the clothes of your choice in complete comfort

– Peace and quiet and the ability to play your favorite background music whenever you want

– Choose a convenient schedule without any constraints

– No obligation to socialize with people

Cons —

– Very little equipment (purchasing equipment can be expensive)

– Lack of space for training or equipment setup

– No advice or technical support

– Social isolation

What if we exercise at home and at the gym at the same time?

Combining the two types of workouts is entirely possible. For example, a woman looking to build muscle and lose fat at the same time, while enhancing her mental well-being, can definitely work out at the gym and do dance or yoga at home for more privacy and comfort.

Another example is for someone who doesn’t necessarily have the time or the desire to go to the gym several times a week, who can organize home workouts to save time.

What about outdoor sports?

Training outdoors can be enjoyable if:

– Your place of residence offers the opportunity to train in public places dedicated to sports (common areas dedicated to sports)

– You’re not afraid of being attacked or harassed in these public places

– You can be well-equipped without discomfort (water, sportswear, backpack, etc.)

– You’re not bothered by training in a large, public place

On the other hand, outdoor sports don’t offer many options other than running and perhaps some stretching movements, in addition to some Basque machines that may exist in public places dedicated to sports

June 10, 2025
How to sleep well? Good quality sleep

I spent my childhood wondering how people who can’t sleep can even exist. I’ve always been convinced that when we decide to sleep, we do it without worries. Until the day I started preparing for my baccalaureate exam. I was stressed and worried. I discovered for the first time that I had trouble sleeping. I would lie for hours with my eyes closed, but without falling asleep.

I was so worried, believing that it was some kind of diseases and that I will suffer like that forever.

I later understood over the years, and with a series of negative life experiences, that people can often have sleep problems, and that it’s essentially linked to their way of viewing and managing their problems in life.

I also discovered that those disorders are not incurable, and that with certain habits and actions, we can often guarantee good quality sleep.

Good Habits for a Good Night’s Sleep

There are a multitude of good habits and actions to consider to ensure good quality sleep:

– Set your sleep schedule: try to always go to bed at the same time so your brain is accustomed to this time and is more responsive.

– Avoid screens before bed: avoid the brightness and varied content of screens before bed as they keep the brain wide awake and are harmful to the eyes.

– Move mealtimes away from sleeptime: avoid heavy meals just before bedtime as digestion will disrupt you. Also avoid stimulating drinks like tea and coffee hours before bedtime.

– Think positively: try not to think about problems or worries you encountered during the day. Don’t talk to negative people and especially don’t watch negative content in the hours before bedtime. Instead, try to think about good times in the past or your future dreams to soothe your mind before.

A good environment for a good night’s sleep

A good night’s sleep requires a list of good conditions:

– A good bed and a good pillow: Your bed should be comfortable and spacious (the mattress should be neither too soft nor too hard). The best choice is certainly a medical bed, which ensures that your back is always in the right position during the night. This will prevent back pain when you wake up. A good pillow is also highly recommended to prevent neck pain, especially for stressed people.

– A good bedroom temperature, suitable sheets and blankets: Your bedroom should be neither cold nor hot. You should adjust the temperature according to the season, or simply make sure you have the necessary blankets.

– A good dose of light/darkness: The best thing to do is to ensure almost complete darkness in your room. This is beneficial for the quality of your sleep.

– Silence for a comfortable night : Make sure there are no sources of noise such as TVs, watches, etc. Don’t forget to close the windows to avoid early morning noises (birds, vehicles, etc.).

– Comfortable clothing: Nothing is better than feeling comfortable in your clothes, especially when it comes to a good comfort. Avoid clothing that is too tight, hot, or has buttons. Also, avoid wearing gloves, socks, hats or heavy clothes.

If all these methods do not work and do not solve the problem of insomnia or desorders, it may be better to consult a doctor to make sure that there is not a physical problem or an illness preventing you from sleeping well. And then if necessary, in the absence of physical problems, the problem will certainly be psychological, linked to the way of thinking especially, which will surely require the help of a psychologist who can monitor the case closely with the help of therapies or medications.

June 8, 2025
Perfection at work : I want everything to be perfect!

I was talking with a friend about her professional project. She was building her website, and it was taking her a lot of time. Things that should have only taken a few days of work were actually taking weeks, and all for nothing. She couldn’t finish anything and felt demotivated every time.

Work Demotivation:

One day, she shared her frustration with me, and I asked her exactly what she was doing. She told me that, for example, for the navigation, she had chosen a template that was top-notch in terms of functionality and design, but also extremely complicated to set up. She tried every day to make progress on it, but each time she encountered obstacles that frustrated her so much that she decided to give up.

The next day, she wasn’t even motivated to resume work on the navigation.

Changing the work method:

I then understood the source of her demotivation and remembered my childhood when I tried to make perfect drawings and always ended up with piles of torn paper and mini-nervous breakdowns.

Until the day we started drawing classes in middle school with a super calm teacher who asked us to devote the entire two hours of the session to a single task. Each time, it was something very precise, but on which we had complete concentration, and we would repeat the same thing for months. I had learned to work slowly but above all with patience, and to always start with the basic and easy things before diving into the more complicated ones.

Since that day, I’ve focused on the small details first so that I can control everything in the end and get the satisfaction I deserve. My drawings have become more and more beautiful and, in my opinion, almost perfect.

The key to motivation:

So I asked my friend to try to :

1- Implement simple navigation at first glance, even if she doesn’t really like it.

2- Move forward with the other points based on the same principle: simplicity.

3- Once the website is ready, she can then review each point and try to improve it according to her expectations.

This way, she will have been able to finalize her entire website, and it will give her time to adapt each point later without any blockage or demotivation.

The idea is simple: to complete a complicated and difficult task, it is best to start by simplifying all the points and implementing them as easily as possible.

This will help avoid the slight demotivation that occurs when you can’t manage to tackle a complicated point during the work. Then, at the end of the “simplified” work, focus on each point and try to readjust it according to the “complicated” expectations or finalize it as needed.

This readjustment or finalization phase will therefore take place calmly and without demotivation.

I asked my friend to try this process and after a few weeks, evaluate the progress of her work and see if she needs any adjustments. She will of course need a source of motivation that will allow her to continue moving forward with passion.

Organizational Work Methods:

There are well-defined work methods, outlined by professionals, that help people organize their work effectively.

A multitude of methods exist, but I’ll mention five general methods that are effective:

– The Pomodoro Method

– Deep Work

– Mind Mapping

– Batching

– Cardiac Coherence

Each of these methods involves using specific techniques with the primary objective of improving work efficiency. It’s worth noting that there are also digital tools that can provide significant assistance with work management, such as Trello, Snagit, and Forest.

April 1, 2025
Denial or acceptance of one’s illness : Discovery phase

I didn’t realize the importance of accepting one’s illness until the day my father was diagnosed with a chronic desease The mere discovery of this desease was a difficult ordeal for all of us. It came out of nowhere, and we didn’t really understand the causes or how to cope.

Denial of the illness

We found ourselves in a situation where the severity of the desease may have initially triggered denial of the illness. This widespread phenomenon occurs when the patient tries to psychologically protect themselves against a perceived danger or threat. Not accepting the presence of the bad condition is sometimes normal during the unexpected discovery of certain physical problems, especially chronic or serious ones, because the patient experiences significant psychological discomfort.

The patient is often convinced that they cannot fall ill with a chronic desease. This may stem from the fact that they are confident in their health, exercise regularly, for example, and take good care of their diet. Or it may come from a purely spiritual perspective, where the patient is certain that they cannot be punished because they have always been good to people and have never harmed anyone.

The causes of denial are certainly diverse, but they are very common during this phase of desease discovery.

Acceptance of the illness

The denial phase, however, must not last. Initially, while it is considered normal, its persistence constitutes a real problem that threatens the quality of life of patients.

It is well known in psychology that any problem can be resolved if its presence is first accepted. In other words, if we don’t recognize the presence of a concern or problem, it is certainly impossible to resolve it or even to think of a solution.

In the case of deseases, it is essentially the fear of the unknown, of suffering, or of death that causes denial in the discovery phase. Subsequently, the person will have to accept the presence of their disorder and try to adapt as best they can to their new state of health.

This acceptance can be difficult, and this is where loved ones must intervene to help the patient understand their condition, accept it, and adapt as best they can to avoid emotional shocks or health crises.

The help of accompanying doctors and nurses is also important.

Practical tips for accepting your illness

There are several ways to help patients accept their condition by reducing the intensity of negative emotions and reactions:

– Explain to the patient this is very common and that they are not the only ones to suffer from them. Knowing that anyone could get sick is somewhat reassuring.

– Learn about the sickness in question and try to help the patient understand the symptoms, causes, and treatment options in the gentlest way possible to avoid the patient being afraid of suffering.

– Speak with the doctor in charge and explain to the patient that his condition can be effectively managed by following certain instructions and taking their medication on time, for example.

– Try to maintain the routine and rituals of normal life for the patient so that they do not feel neglected or excluded.

– Maintain good communication with the patient and ask them to share all their feelings so that they do not feel alone.

– If the patient believes in spirituality, it will be necessary to know how to speak their language to explain to them that falling ill is a kind of test and that they will be rewarded for their patience.

If all these methods do not work, it is better to seek help from psychologists, since continued denial can significantly disrupt the process of managing the illness.

March 27, 2025
The Beginning of Depression : The Depression Coming!
This past year, I experienced a very stressful situation after my father was diagnosed with advanced cancer. Everything in my life was turned upside down, and I hadn’t even had the opportunity to sort out my emotions. My mental state was in total chaos, overwhelmed by the series of unexpected events related to my father’s illness.

What is depression ?

Depression is a mental health disorder where people experience prolonged feelings of sadness and a loss of interest in things they once enjoyed. It is associated with various symptoms that affect thoughts, emotions, and behavior. People of all ages can be affected by depression, including children. Its severity can vary widely — it can be temporary or, in some cases, last for a long time.

Physical early symptoms of depression:

One day, I realized I had physical symptoms that were hard to ignore:
- More pronounced hair loss
- Large pimples appearing all over my body
- Sleep disorders
- Weight or appetite changes
- Digestive issues
- A gradually weakening immune system — I couldn’t even recover quickly from a simple cold
That’s when I decided to face the facts. Seeing these symptoms multiply day after day made me even more anxious. After some research and conversations with friends, it became clear: these were signs of the onset of depression.

Psychological early signs of depression :

Depression can look very different from person to person. Some symptoms are clearly recognizable, while others are subtle and easy to miss. Recognizing both the obvious and hidden signs is key to early intervention and effective support.

Most symptoms affect the way you feel and think:
- Social isolation — no interest in meeting friends or new people
- Low self-confidence
- Persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness
- Difficulty concentrating or memory issues
- An increasingly pessimistic outlook on life
- Neglecting self-care, including basic hygiene
- Turning to substances or addictive behaviors
- Reckless or escapist behavior such as gambling, risky choices, or excessive spending
- Disinterest in daily activities, work, or relationships
- Procrastination and a general lack of motivation
Self-managing the signs of depression

I realized it was time to act. I had to stop feeding this depression before it took over completely. I decided to start with lifestyle adjustments and see if they could make a difference:
- Maintaining my workout routine
- Following a healthy diet and a consistent sleep schedule
- Managing my breathing during stressful moments to avoid destructive reactions
- Making time for activities I enjoy, to relieve stress and reconnect with myself
- Spending time with friends and loved ones — sharing, laughing, and simply being present
- Taking care of my body as a foundation for mental well-being
- Expressing my feelings creatively through painting, writing, singing, or dancing to release negative energy
Professional depression management :

Therapy

If personal efforts are not enough, it becomes necessary to seek help from a professional. Therapeutic approaches help people understand and express their feelings, behaviors, and thoughts. Each individual may benefit from a different approach depending on their specific situation.

Medication

In some cases, medication can be very effective in managing certain emotions and reducing symptoms, making it easier to overcome depression gradually.

Brain stimulation treatments

When other treatments have not been effective, professionals may turn to brain stimulation methods. These techniques are typically used in more severe cases and have shown promising results for people who have not responded to other forms of treatment.

Final thoughts

Depression does not always look the same, and it does not always announce itself loudly. Sometimes it creeps in quietly through physical symptoms, small behavioral changes, or a growing sense of emptiness. The most important thing is to pay attention to yourself, listen to your body and mind, and never hesitate to reach out for help — whether from a loved one or a professional.

You are not alone in this.

The content of this article is based on personal experience and research. It does not replace professional medical or psychological advice. If you are experiencing symptoms of depression, please consult a qualified healthcare professional.
March 26, 2025